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(From Internet)
I hear it all the time: If you cross your arms, you are
blocking others out and sending a negative message. I'm sure you have also
heard this. But is it accurate?
Let
me inform you now that it is not. It is a simplistic misconception, similar to
other myths, such as the idea you look away, you are lying. Let’s examine this often maligned, little understood, yet
very useful behaviour a little closer and see if we can add a little clarity:
The
Self Hug. You have probably noticed that
you cross your arms more frequently in public than in private. In a way, it is
like a self-hug—and it's comforting for that moment. We do it while listening
to a speaker or while waiting for a presentation to begin. We are, of course, not trying
to keep anyone away; we are just contributing to our own comfort. For the most
part, that's why we do it. Ask someone in an audience with their arms crossed
if they are comfortable and invariably they say yes, because they truly are.
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| Self Hug |
Stress Relief.
When we're stressed, we receive comfort by crossing our arms across the torso
so we can then reach across and massage our arms with our opposite hands. This behaviour, which helps to calm and soothe us, serves the same purpose as
wringing our hands—only more so. Again, this is not a blocking behaviour, but it
does communicate to an observer that there is some sort of anxiety, which
explains why teachers see this on exam days.
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Nixon Kennedy Debate
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Masking Insecurities. Women who may feel
insecure, or seek to cover themselves from ogling male eyes, will cross their
arms so as to not feel exposed. Men may also do this when they feel insecure
around another male. In their famous 1960 presidential debate, Richard Nixon
crossed his arms when talking to John F. Kennedy off the air, because, as his
biographer noted, Nixon always felt insecure around “Ivy league types,” even
though he was Vice President at the time and had international stature.
Anxiety
and Fear. Speaking of insecurity, when
we're scared or experiencing high anxiety, arm crossing helps us to deal with
anxiousness or psychological distress. We can differentiate by noting that arm
crossing is joined by frequent neck touching or covering of the neck dimple. Neck touching, you may recall from other articles, is indicative of
tension, anxiety, insecurity, or emotional distress—a person starts out with
arms crossed then frees one hand to touch the neck, later returning it to the
torso.
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| Mirroing |
Mirroring. What do we make of two men who both have their arms
crossed, each leaning against a wall with one shoulder and with their legs
likewise crossed? Is there a conflict between the two? The answer is no. The
fact that they are mirroring each other, with their legs crossed, says
everything is OKbetween them. We only cross our legs—placing
ourselves off balance—when we feel comfortable enough around another person. So
why are their arms crossed? Simply because they are comfortable and focused on
a topic.
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| Self Restraint |
Self Restraint or Frustration. No question about it, we use our crossed arms when we
are upset, but this is mostly as a form of self-restraint and, again, to
comfort ourselves. Children do it all the time. When asked to do something they
don’t want to do, they cross their arms, sometimes making fists, squeezing
their torso tightly, almost like a straight jacket. In many ways, it serves to
communicate, quite vividly, how they feel, without saying a word. I have seen
grown men at the airport act similarly—their arms tightly crossed with fisted
hands, their faces angry, restraining themselves because they were bumped from
a flight. But once again, this is not a blocking behaviour; it's
self-restraining behaviour.
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| Power Pose |
The Power Pose. Men
in particular will use the crossed arms pose to make themselves look
bigger, but I have also seen female police officers do it. Bouncers at clubs do
this all the time, as do other men who feel they need to intimidate others. In
any case, as with many primate behaviours that make us look larger, this does
communicate that there are issues here and I am big enough to handle
them. Superman is often depicted in this pose, and it is interesting to
note that the new statue of Martin Luther King, Jr. in Washington, DC, employs
it as well. In school yards this is what teachers unfortunately call "the bully pose.”
The
Insulating Arm Cross. Every once in a while, you
will run into someone that is just obnoxious—and you do want
to create distance, if only to insulate yourself. Next to walking away, the
crossed arms can help create a psychological and physical barrier. Keep in mind
that while it may help you deal with this person, most of the very people you
need to “get” this behaviour don’t, so don’t count on it to keep the unwelcome
from you.
It's
Cold. Sometimes the simplest
explanation will do: Let's face it, sometimes we do it just because it's
cold...
So,
does crossing the arms then give a bad impression? It depends. Studies show
that people do feel somewhat more distant when they cross their arms, but this
is more likely if they are strangers. If one is with friends or colleagues, it doesn't register as a blocking behaviour; in fact, many people report it as showing interest and being seriously engaged on a topic. This may explain why
we see this behaviour so often among those who regularly work together but have
serious business to discuss. You certainly see it at the White House, as well
as in hospitals among medical doctors consulting in the hallway. I think it
really does matter then whether the individuals are known to each other or not.
I'll grant that there are other behaviours that are more welcoming than crossing
one's arms, but we also have to acknowledge that is it not always a blocking behaviour.
When
we study non-verbal behaviour we have to consider context, theenvironment, and all the behaviours we see, not just one. That means
reading all of the body, from head to toe.
Unfortunately, myths about non-verbal abound and arm crossing is one that is too often erroneously seen by the undiscerning as a blocking behaviour when in fact there may be a variety of very
different reasons for it.
So
next time you see it, don’t be surprised if the person isn't just comfortably
passing the time of day, pensive, or just looking out for us.
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Rev. Martin Luther King
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